Marriage Advice From A Fortune Cookie.
Each year, I give myself an anniversary gift. Reflection. I pull out the spiral-bound, bridal shower scrapbook that my Maid of Honor put together for me twenty-five years ago. It’s overstuffed with greeting cards, handwritten notes and a detailed list of the thoughtful gifts I received – a porcelain tea set from my soon-to-be sister-in-law, wine glasses, a photograph of Paris, and a slinky black negligee from my future grandmother-in-law. (Yes, that totally happened. She was a cool lady and I’m still blushing!)
As I flip through this keepsake love book, I read each card and take time to re-receive their simple marriage wishes for a “lifetime of happiness together” and “a blissful and ever-blossoming relationship”. I sit with these words in their full, greeting-card cheesiness and try to take them to heart. These are my people. They were rooting for us way back then. And despite not having seen most of them in years, I know they’re still rooting for us now.
Just when my heart is brimming with sappiness, I turn to the page that always makes me laugh. It’s a page of fortune cookie wisdom for my new life as a wife. Before the bridal shower, my Maid of Honor had written to almost everyone I knew asking for the best piece of marriage advice they could offer in fifteen words or less. Then she printed them on slips of parchment paper, and baked them into a giant, football sized fortune cookie. Reading the fortunes aloud at the shower made for excellent comedy, even though the advice was mostly terrible...
So what would I share with a couple about to embark on a journey toward happily ever after?
“Never cook bacon naked.” Okay, maybe we can all agree this is wise advice despite having absolutely nothing to do with being married?
“The secret to a lasting relationship is separate bathrooms.” Yes, if only it were actually that simple!
“An ounce of sequins is worth a pound of home cooking.” I find this hilarious, but debatable.
“You will always have the last word if you make him think he does.” This feels like good advice if you’re the Road Runner and you’re marrying Wile E. Coyote.
“Have a prenuptial agreement regarding garlic.” Really? Yes judge, my reason for seeking a divorce is that I’m fond of Italian food!
And finally, “Never go to bed mad -- stay up and fight.” The grown-up me could argue that ‘sleeping on it’ is sometimes a more productive strategy.
The fortune cookie made for lots of laughs and a great memory. Yet it did very little to prepare me for what it actually takes to have a successful lifelong relationship. Those bits of wisdom I earned like purple hearts from the mistakes we made as a couple along the way. So what would I share with a couple about to embark on a journey toward happily ever after? Simple, tried and true marriage wisdom about supporting and encouraging one another. Giving each other the space to grow individually, but also, together. What it means to love selflessly. How to face the tough stuff life throws at you, as a team. How to apologize correctly, and so much more. And if I had to say it in fifteen words or less to fit inside a giant fortune cookie? It would be, “Your destiny is self-written.”
