Why Mattering Matters.
We make a lot of assumptions as married people. We assume our lives will be relatively similar tomorrow to how they are today. We assume that being together means we’re both happy. We assume that we are working toward common goals like security, prosperity, and an under-counter wine fridge. And the biggest of all assumptions? We assume our partner knows, that without them, we couldn’t be a we.
To matter is one of the most fundamental biological and psychological human needs. In order to survive, we must assume that we matter. And in order to matter, we need to feel that our life has meaning. Not long ago, a very dear friend of mine tried to commit suicide. When he bravely recounted his story to me, he said “I thought about all the people who wouldn’t even miss me if I was gone.” It broke my heart because he is important to so many people, including myself. But depression is a devil of an illness that’ll try to make you doubt your worth. Since then, I’ve learned that we should never assume others know how we feel. Even those sitting on the sofa right next to us.
It’s better to say something than to wish you had said it.
Validating a person’s effect on the world, no matter how big or small, is always appropriate and appreciated. And all it takes are two simple words. You Matter. You can write them on a sticky note, bookmark page 114 in my book, or speak them out loud. What’s amazing about those two words is, they’re yours to give and they’re indisputable. When I tell my husband he matters, he always looks at me with a raised eyebrow and demands, “Why?!” Joking aside, I know he gets a lot of joy when I list the reasons. And that’s the other amazing thing about telling someone they matter – the follow up discussion honors them and will probably make them blush.
Our words have so much power. Use them freely, and use them for good. I like to remind myself that it’s better to say something than to wish you had said it. My husband once told me that I matter because I scoop up the spiders and bugs in the house and divert them safely to freedom outside. That’s a little weird, but I totally appreciate it.
