Expressing Love. (Poetry Not Required.)
We’ve all seen that dated romcom: Guy falls for girl... Guy attempts to win girl’s love by recruiting poetic friend to express his love to her... Girl eventually realizes she’s in love with the wrong guy. So why is this Shakespeare meets Hollywood formula of romance, plus hijinks, plus miscommunication so popular? Because love isn’t going anywhere. And expressing it? Well, it can be really hard. Even after you’ve captured someone’s heart and gotten hitched!
Let’s start with the actual words. Twenty-five years of marriage has taught me that speaking romantically is really as simple as expressing love and gratitude. It doesn’t have to be poetic to stir your partner’s soul. But it needs to come straight from your heart. And if it’s a little surprising, that’s all the better! Sentiments you don’t hear all the time cause a moment of pause and reflection. For example, “I don’t just love you. I like you.” What a wonderful thing to say to the person that isn’t just your life partner, but is also your best friend. Or, “Your buns look really great in those jeans. Not that I was staring or anything... okay, I was!” It’s a compliment, but it also acknowledges being attracted to your partner, and admits that you were totally checking them out. Expressing gratitude is incredibly romantic. Even, “I Appreciate You. I probably don’t tell you this enough, but I’m so grateful for who you are and all you do.” How do you say that and not get kissed?!
Words have incredible power. Gestures have impact.
In romance, love can also be expressed through gestures. Back to romcom scenarios: exterior night... guy stands under girl’s window holding flowers (or a 1980’s boombox) while friend hides in bushes feeding poetic lines. These types of sweeping gestures demand impact. Which is why so many marriage proposals are planned months in advance, and executed to the tee. In marriage though, these types of huge gestures are unsustainable and so they become a lot less sweeping over time. Cooking for your spouse is a romantic gesture. Taking a moment to celebrate their accomplishment is a romantic gesture. Even dragging the recycling out to the curb can be a genuine expression of love. But if you rely on gestures as your only form of romantic expression, you run the risk of not always being clearly heard.
When I wrote Hey, I Love You... I wanted to give couples a way to easily exchange the words that aren’t said often enough in marriage. Especially if those words don’t come naturally. After all, we can’t truly know how our partner feels at any given moment unless they actually tell us. I also wanted to help couples overcome communication inertia by making it easy. Oh, and fun! Speaking from your heart is as simple a gesture as placing a bookmark on a page that expresses your feelings, then hiding it somewhere for your partner to discover. Communicating this way becomes a kind of game that you just want to keep playing.
Words have incredible power. Gestures have impact. When you find a simple way to marry the two, then you’ve mastered the language of love. And the more you use it, the more you’re scripting the greatest romcom of all time.
